Dad refused to save for his eldest daughter's college education, while saving $25K each for her half-sister's college: 'My dad and my stepmom constantly complained about me wasting their money.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 27, 2026 7:45 AM EDT

Why did he and his wife treat her so poorly? 

I hate to see adults downplay the importance of their relationship with the children in their lives. I'm not talking about a random family member a kid sees once or twice a year: I'm talking about grown-ups who actively take a parental role in their kids' lives and don't fully accept the responsibility that entails. They try to use adult terms to justify why they don't care enough about their stepchildren, claiming that because they're not biologically related to them, they don't have an obligation to care for them. Sure, they might not have a legal obligation to pay for the life of a child they didn't mother or father, but that's not what's keeping them up at night. What's keeping them up at night is knowing the kid worships them and wants their approval more than anything, yet they aren't doing anything to maintain that relationship. 

Parents should treat their kids equally, but they can't always do that. There are good reasons not to treat your kids the same all the time. One of your kids might need a lot more support to function on a basic level, so you have to give them more attention than a kid who can function well on their own. The problem is that the "independent" kid can often feel left behind and forgotten by their parents, and that is no good. Sometimes, the kid who is getting all the support doesn't necessarily "need" that support. He knows he will get it from his parents, and he is willing to act incompetent to get it deliberately. Parents who give their children the opportunity to sink or swim are doing them a much greater favor than those who bail them out at the first sign of friction. 

There's a difference between giving your kid the chance to acquire some grit and intentionally treating them worse than their siblings. The latter is completely unjustifiable, and the dad in this story is guilty as charged. 

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  • A woman sitting at a table in front of a laptop computer
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unplash+)

    This model represents the daughter who went to college without a college fund, who was constantly sidelined by her stepsisters throughout her childhood. 

  • Am I wrong for being upset that my dad saved 25k for my sisters education but not mine?

    I found out recently from my dad's ex-wife that she and my dad had saved up $25k for each of their 3 children's education. I don't talk to her and don't initiate conversations with her but
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  • she will text me from time to time giving advice or asking about my life and then dropping information that I didn't care to know. I have a complicated relationship with both of my
    via u/Icy_Cherry_
  • parents, they had me at 25 but neither of them were really ready to be parents. I am much older than all of my siblings so at age 10 I was expected to help with the child care and cleaning.
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  • My parents split up before I was born and my dad remarried when I was 10, my mom stayed a single parent but had 2 more children with a deadbeat father. Because my mom was single I had to
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  • do all of the cleaning, making lunches and breakfast for my siblings and I and by 15 I was cooking dinner and doing all of the laundry.
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  • My dad and his wife had their first when I was 10 and from that day forward I was treated much differently at his house. I had to give up my room, my bedframe, dresser and nightstand as
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  • 100001 You Go G TODAY IS THE MOST PRE PRECIOUS WE WILL EVER GIFT RECEIVE A ch YOU cre Aljost are
    via Quilia

    A representation of a little girl's room before her wicked stepmother took it away from her

  • they were his ex wife's furniture and had only been given to me until she had a baby (which they did not tell me until they wanted to take it all away). I asked for a new dresser just to put my
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  • clothes in when I came to visit but they refused and told me I was just a visitor and it would be a waste to get it for me. His ex wife refused to take photos of me during family
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  • vacations, she cut me out of a few family photos and gave me the peices, and at Christmas or my birthday she would gift me clothes that were obviously too small and then tell me to
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  • give them to her daughter since they didn't fit. She would sometimes tell me even before I opened the gift that it would be too small. My dad ended up telling her to stop buying
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  • me gifts and ended up doing it himself but she would still come to me before we opened gifts telling me that my gifts would s k.
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  • My dad's children often got name brand clothes, went to gymnastics, dance class and summer camps, and had a huge house with a heated pool. I lived in poverty with my mom who hoarded
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  • A person jumping on a trampoline with a child in the background
    via Brett Wharton

    A photo of who could be the privileged half-sisters, who got to do whatever activities their hearts desired, while their older sister lived in poverty with their mom. 

  • garbage, we sometimes didn't have heat or hot water and I had to buy my own clothes and shampoo/conditioner and soap with baby sitting money. My dad had decided
    via u/Icy_Cherry_
  • to only pay my mom half of the child support as he needed the money for his other kids. My dad and his ex-wife constantly complained about me wasting their money, they
    via u/Icy_Cherry_
  • would get upset when I took a shower or ate some snacks and most food were off limits for me as they were for my sisters. My mom ended up forcing my dad to help me when I
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  • went to university by telling him she was either taking him to court over the missing payments or he could give me the money he owed her while I was in school. Every month I had to
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  • remind him to send me money and every month he and his ex-wife would complain about how it was so unfair they had to help me.
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  • I've really tried to move on and forget all of this. I've forgiven them and have a decent relationship with my dad and I'm friendly to his ex-wife who still comes to our family events despite
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  • being divorced from him for 10 years. But my sister started university and it's opened. old wounds. My dad's ex wife came to visit me the
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  • year her daughter started university to ask me how much my dad was sending me because she thought her daughter would need double what my dad sent me and came to try to see if
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  • he had actually given me more than he told her so she could convince him to give her daughter more. I knew my sister was getting money from my dad monthly and it hurt because
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  • I was heavily guilted when I took that money but they give it to her freely. Now I've found out that more than half of her education will be paid for
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  • and she will graduate with much less debt while I drown in it. They have saved for all of their children plus given monthly allowances. It makes me feel so worthless. Why wasn't I
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  • worth helping, why wasn't I worth saving for. Part of me just wants to never see them again. It's not like his ex wife makes a lot of money. She makes
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  • minimum wage. My dad is the high earner. So why am I treated so differently. It feel like because I was born out of wedlock I mean nothing.
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  • Edit to clarify: my sister is getting $1000 every month as an allowance plus $25k to pay for her tuition I only got $500 for the first 2 years and then $250 for a year until I stopped asking for help and
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  • had to make out loans to pay for my tuition
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Tags

saving money poverty stepmom parenting dad education stepsister daughter mom college
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